So, I have recovered from my trip to Nazareth Farm.
I returned home on Saturday exhausted and fuzzy but spent the last few days processing and spending time with my love. I wasn’t super excited to head back to the farm…it’s not an easy trip as you are not only leaving home for a week with people you have never met, it’s giving up the usual tech stuff that has become the norm for us but also showers on a regular basis, meat, choosing your bedtime and knowing what time it is.
Service can be tough. Community can be tough. Simplicity can be tough. All these factors mixed together can be tough.
Yet at the same time, I witnessed miracles.
Giving up means (hopefully) eventually you get it. What “it” is…depends on the person.
This was not my first trip to the farm so I had an idea what would be happening but I never know what my purpose is with each trip until I am well into the week. When we first arrived all these people come flooding out yelling “Welcome home!” and taking our suitcases. We were directed into sleeping quarters in the house and told where to drop off snacks. The picking of the bunks commenced and the introductions to other weary eyed adults that have spent hours driving slumbering teens.
The first few days are overwhelming: bodies detoxing from crappy diets while eating organic farm raised foods…only a helping of meat the entire week in the sausage gravy of the Wednesday breakfast. Waking up at daylight to farm chores. The first day of worksites: Nazareth Farm is a non-profit providing much needed home repair to those who cannot afford traditional means. The farm also incorporates community principles meaning we hang out with the homeowners, invite them to eat lunch with us and encourage them to share their stories.
For a person who has never experienced poverty in person, working on a home in disrepair can be eye opening. The farm takes them to these places to serve…to see the face of poverty, look it in the eyes and reach out to it, speaking in kindness. There were some kids who had never seen a house in bad shape before, let alone use their bathroom or speak with someone in pain. The young people were timid in different areas and I as a chaperon was there to work on the home repair yes, but for me chaperoning in such a case is more, it’s teaching & encouragement, it’s helping maintain focus on worksites(herding cats) and most of all showing a young person how to speak with someone. In every minute of my time at Naz farm, I was a model of behavior and I not knowing my purpose before I came in… but 2015 handed me purpose often. I was actually handed a small stone with the word community on it, and that became my goal: modeling building community in a kind, loving way to all the young people.
I have found it is easy to teach someone how to run a circular saw or hammer a nail into a roof but to teach speaking without judgement to a stranger, that was trickier. I had many opportunities over the week to speak with homeowners, their families and neighbors while dragging kids along with me until they started to shift. This is where I saw the miracles, in the shifts of the kids when they started to get “it” and for each of them it was life changing. Just as I discovered my purpose they began paying attention to the epiphanies raining down upon them. Some of them spoke with homeless folks at the local shelter, some of them pushed through fear of re-injuring themselves to get up on the roof anyway, some of them witnessed what generosity is in the stories of how one lady bought her house after an abusive relationship, some realized that the best conversation was in person and not with a phone, some made rye bread with their own hands,some were given a hard talking to one day and showed up the next with their butterfly wings.
Miracles aren’t always a story in a lofty ancient tome, in fact, they’re in front of you everyday.
Once the shifts hit, the whole world is transformed. Everyone looks and speaks to another with love and kindness, high fives and giggles.
The other reason I believe I was there was to show everyone(adults too) that everything, even composting, can be hilarious. One of my favorite kids and I spent a morning weeding and planting lettuce. This was my last trip with this young person and we had spent the last four years laughing and having the most fun everywhere we went. We excitedly weeded and began discussing the excitement that all the lettuce in the garden would one day to grow up and be delicious lettuce wraps….not only would the people of the land be fed but also dancing with gratitude and all the deliciousness of the lettuce. Now, just to let you know, this was a very early morning and we were cackling and dancing in excitement not paying a bit of attention to our surroundings. After a particular fun bit of lettuce dancing we stopped, noticing that all around us, the other staff and students were staring at us.
This made us laugh harder.
Covered in compost, crying with laughter, Maggie and I went in for breakfast with glee. Later in the week we would end up inside a chicken coop laughing just as hard. I tell you, honest to God, everything can be fun.
As the week went on many would come up to me commenting on my laughter and giggling and I told them I wrote this blog, because you can always have fun. Even in the face of poverty. Because having fun is loving life, despite your circumstances… if you love your life then all that other stuff doesn’t matter as much. Love, kindness, community…all these big gushy wonderful parts of life are yours if you allow them, it has nothing to do with your wallet and that’s the best part, you can always give freely of these ideals.
You can always be happy, because you choose it so.
Thank you great Universe for all my blessings, shifts and delicious lettuce wraps and I hope for you all that you too can feel it, give it and live it.
Many blessings on you friends!
If you are interested in learning more about Nazareth Farm check out www.nazarethfarm.org
Happy full moon!
It’s always interesting to me as how we as humans in our plight to be advanced still adhere unconsciously to more primal occurrences such as the full moon. Last evening my kindergarten teacher friend was horrified to find out about the full moon as it sends her kids in a tizzy. Others have done the same in the past, grunted over the phase of the moon and it’s effect, wherein the actual issue isn’t celestial at all.
Control. We want it and yet we rarely truly have it.
It’s this ambiguous idea humanity grasps onto daily that control will bring us security or in blatant terms we will be fed, housed, loved and happy. If we are not fed, housed,loved and happy then we are WRONG…. terror! Anarchy!! We have to be entrenched in a socially acceptable happiness masked in debt!
Control also sends its creepy monster fingers into other weird places such as the needs: the need to control, know the outcome of a situation, satisfying answers, quick fixes, avoidance, suffering, fitting in, perfect home, keeping up with technology, bragging rights, weight, being right and so on.
We are expected from a young age to have control. People want quiet, well behaved children to turn into charming, successful adults. The problem is we never then learn how to deal when stuff leaves our comfort zone, our very specific small comfort zone.
The thing is, control is a myth. Yes, maybe some of us were better planners and knew from a young age what we wanted in life such as career or love match but that is not a herald of control like you hear some some say ” Look at her, she has got her life together!” So this person paid attention, knew themselves, learned from others and made practical choices but that doesn’t mean s/he can control her life. Ironically, humans go out into the world everyday not trusting each other so much but trusting the Universe will keep them safe from earthquakes, car accidents, nuclear disaster or family crisis. That person ” in control” may just be good at looking in control. S/He may be dealing with severe problems but well versed at dealing with their issues….those folks could be a human emotion bomb waiting to happen!
Humans don’t want to accept the fragility of life …it makes us vulnerable, the need for control helps us keep vulnerability at bay.
The best way for us to feel more control in a crazytrain world is by adopting routines that are simple, we’re not trying to add stress here so simplicity is a must. All of our suggestions are inexpensive and completely up to you.
Hopefully, we are all engaging in daily hygiene but we can always take it a step further and add simple daily tasks such as flossing our teeth everyday. Take baths instead of showers, allow yourself the time and enjoy; Add one cup of each of the following to aid in soul cleansing: epsom salts, baking soda and sea salts. Rub down your skin in coconut oil. Buy some yummy smelly body wash and scrub down and foamy. Make yourself a beard.
I’m not telling to go out and join a gym and become Master of Universe, I’m saying go out for a 15 minute walk a couple times a week, if you can hit a local park with hiking trails away from manicured places even better.
3) Get a pedicure.
Yes, even you fellas. Having someone work on you is wonderful self care and pedicure can be inexpensive, so shop around.
4) Purge your closets and your life
Clutter makes us grumpy!!! We focus easier in a well kept space. Organize your life, maybe you are ready to let some of your stuff go!!! Especially if you still have gifts from bad relationships…time to donate or have a yard sale.
5) Spend time with your BFF
Just you and the BFF, no spouses!Go out put on some wigs and act like you did at 22.
6) Watch comedies
Listen, I get the need to watch dramas and talk about all the horrible scenes in Game of Thrones but maybe you feel like crap because of all the violence you are subjecting yourself to…even fake violence makes us crazytown. So give yourself a month of comedies and cartoons, tell me how you feel then!!
7) Be aware of your breathing
This bustily world has us breathing so shallow because we are focused on external instead of internal. Sit in a comfy chair and breathe deeply for 3 minutes a day…then five…and eventually you can go as long as you want. Maybe get into mediation or if that is too difficult pick an object to focus on while deep breathing and stay quiet for a half hour.
8) Talk to young people
Preferably under 8 years old, ask them what they think about important matters in life. My nephew is 3, he often tells me all about his work truck losing a wheel. Perspective is important!
9) Choose happiness
With every situation, choose the positive tone. Even Darth Vader had a redeeming moment when he saved Luke Skywalker from the Emperor.
10) Know where you came from
Ask your older family members for stories about their grandparents. Find out about the amazing humans that came before you, their stories, occupations and what they survived. We can come to appreciate and be grateful for what our forebears endured for us. There are plenty of free websites out there to aid you in a lineage search or you can (gasp) go to the library or records office and search old school. These people, whether you like it or not are part of you, wouldn’t be nice to know the origin of your traits?
When I was having a tough time because I realized that most of my anger or frustration was about what I believed my life/relationship/job/body shape should be because I had done this/that/what I was told, I used these same simple tasks to help me feel more in control and by feeling so I made better choices. You may have some that are a better fit for you, so do those instead.
Just remember, these simple activities aren’t saving people from earthquakes…you are saving you from yourself.
Who doesn’t need that from time to time???
For more info on self-care or how to book an appointment with me check out my other Facebook page, Transition Signals Holistic Therapy!
PS (We haven’t done one these in a while)
Ridiculous ways to feel better I discovered through trial and error:
Having famous people sign a book of poetry not written by them. Touching flowers and stuffed animals at the store. Decoupage. Drawing hearts on my body like I was 12. Making keychains. Displaying toys from my youth. Mailing cards to folks for no reason other than to say how awesome they are. Looking at ancient art. Giggling with babies. Setting my text ringtone to ducks and watching small kids try to look for them inside a mall. Bizarre lamps. Jokes about the movie Inception.
Happy Spring!!! I’m so excited I am gonna take the plastic off my windows! How is THAT for crazy,heh??!!
Spring is that time to throw off the winter vibes and get ready for some freshness! I don’t know about you but I have definitely been feeling the crazy a little. Spring sometimes comes in with a bang …new season, attitudes and space for who knows what!
I was speaking with a client the other day about her recent decision to leave her job. I was congratulatory as I find that new jobs are exciting, she looked at me keenly and said “What we worked on didn’t just help me in my( insert personal problem here) but it made me not take any shit from other people. A few weeks after we had our session I was around a doctor that I don’t care for and he kept talking to me and I realized I didn’t have to take any of his bullshit, so I handed in my notice that day. Whatever you did made me refuse the bullshit.”She laughed. I smiled back at her in the moment and told her “You shed the beacon.” She became animated and said “Yes! All that crap felt like it had fallen off of my body!”
We humans are so intense, so many layers of wonderfulness and terror. We are the sum of all our parts and unconsciously we then create a beacon for certain patterns such as abusive relationships, yo-yo dieting, financial distress, anxiety/depression and more. We are glorious beings of light and usually unaware of what or whom we are beckoning. So many times when our lives have produced negative results we seem to forget the only common denominator in all these events is ourselves. It’s tough to take credit for our own problems but it’s totally within our power to release the cause of our patterns.
When we actually let go of what holds us back, we shed so much more. We shed the event… the beliefs, consequences,people, behaviors, attitudes, locations, relationships and sometimes even clothing related to it. The snake sheds its skin so it may grow, so we shed pounds of fat off our bodies, lackluster careers, friendships, houses and lifetimes. Isn’t the shed the building in our yard that we originally built to hold stuff we need but in reality becomes the dumping point of all the crud we are to lazy to release. Shedding is letting go. Of what?
The shedding means we not only let go of the negative but also the positive. You may be wondering why I am encouraging this, by letting go of the positive, we shed the notion of the definition of the positive. By doing so we are then more open to whatever is coming, because of my dear Signalers, it’s coming…but do you have space for it? The idea that we only want positive things/people/actions in our lives creates resistance to the whole. The whole is truly desirable because we never know what we need to soften us, sometimes the only way to get what we want is to meet the biggest jerk on the planet and then four years later marry him or that crappy car you bought led you to meet your bff or when you spilled hot coffee on your pants at Starbucks and the person who hired you for the career of a lifetime handed you a napkin. We don’t know what package miracles will arrive in so be open to ….everything. It’s generally quite hilarious, I promise!
So get out there! Shed! Release! Laugh and love you gorgeous being!
Isn’t it time to be deliciously happy?
May you find the peace and love you so deserve!!
BTW…I had to laugh a bit here as I just helped my sister clean out her basement. I will tell you she is much happier now after recycling the hundreds of empty boxes….and sending charity countless pounds of old clothing. We laughed and laughed ….at every turn there was something ridiculous such as an espresso machine in a filing cabinet.
Yoda truly was right, “Do or do not, there is no try.”
There is only doing. The idea of trying gives your subconscious room for doubt that will create failure. The thing about doing is despite what the outcome is you will achieve something, it may not be what you originally planned; in fact, it could be ten times better!!! In doing, something will have been accomplished.
No more new year resolutions(trying)…it’s time for new years revolutions(doing)!! Real change, not tawdry weak promises ventured in vanity, are real choices made in reality will be not only attainable but kinder to your self, body, mind and spirit. When we want to make these sweeping changes in our lives, how often do we make some fantasy goal that seems easy in media?
Just because you cut out sugar and exercise three times a week doesn’t mean you will lose fifty pounds in a month. Just because you sign up for a dating service doesn’t mean you will have a wedding in a year. Just because you buy a book on how to knit will mean you will be gifting magnificent sweaters next Christmas. What I notice with folks and their hopes trying to change is they forget to factor in …reality.
Reality tends to provide a different timeline to our goals than what we truly desire…that is where stuff gets tricky and since we didn’t factor more time with reality we give up. Basically, we tell ourselves that our hopes and goals are not as important as the effort. In fact, using the term goal dictates a finite point, that after a set of skills are completed the reward is given and that’s it. Resolutions fail inevitably because we are only focused on that finite point in time. Just because Tom Hanks won an Oscar didn’t mean he quit performing… if the Oscar was his only goal he could have quit; lucky for us he continued on (who doesn’t LOVE Toy Story??)
We have all done this, told ourselves that our success, happiness or change only lies in a fixed moment of time. After I pay off this mortgage I’ll blah blah blah, when I lose 80 pounds I’ll blah blah blah, after my children move out I’ll blah blah blah. People!!! All that blah blah blah, can happen now! All that qualifying for change, is possible now. All those excuses lie in trying. All those excuses lie in a linear existence meaning trying this will equal that but in a doing existence, it’s way more open as doing brings in more possibilities that you could ever hope for, doing this created that,that and that.
Say you want to be healthier so you decide to do a new exercise regimen that involves low impact weight lifting and yoga. You decide that no matter what, you will adhere to the schedule you have made and go from there. Success!!! The year was a success because you did what you set out to do; there were days you had to get up earlier to make your workout, you followed your original plan and you achieved more than you had originally planned. In doing your original plan you unknowingly accomplished better time management, better self-awareness/kindness and meals became healthier. In doing, we achieve far more than we originally plan and we invite infinite possibilities into our lives.
Revolutions are in the maintenance. Making a shift in behavior to produce a change, doesn’t mean a change for a period of time, true change(doing) comes in infinite moments and taking out the date on the calendar. I choose in every moment to stay true to myself and this change so therefore I choose to eat greens instead of cupcakes or I choose to enjoy myself on dates despite the outcome or I choose to be fulfilled with what I already have.
In every moment I do, I choose, I give myself the benefit of the doubt that I am worth being happy and successful.
YES! Let’s do that!
Choose your revolution! Choose yourself!
May you have an incredibly happy, successful New Year!!!
If you are interesting in having help planning your revolution, I can help!!! I help folks forgive, recover and be happy everyday! For more information, shoot me a message email@example.com or facebook.com/transitonsignals
The Universe is offering us many opportunities to break our own status quo right now.
Think about it, every year we come into the holidays either hoping they will be different or expecting the same old,same old; these behavior patterns are actually one and the same because they keep us wrapped up in external happiness. If all the single ladies don’t get a ring on their finger or the grumpy mcgrumperson who sees the same scenarios played out every year…the holidays may feel like a video on replay, that the outer world can actually MAKE us whole with stuff or relationships.(This is not true)
What we tend to miss are the offerings of opportunities to change. That is the real reason for the season. The Universe gifts you with chances to change all year but more so now, why is that? The power that comes with this time of year in spending more time in actual darkness represents our own darkness.
The holidays are entrenched with the magic of the past. How many times do you hear others talking about how wonderful Christmas or Hanukkah was “back in the day” because this person was still alive or my dreams came true when I unwrapped the gift I so longed for.
If you truly want your status quo to change, you must seek out what is truly bothering you; whatever that is, face it, look at it, engage it in a way that you can tear that sorrow out of you. Examine why the magic of the past is better than the magic of the present, because in reality by giving the past so much power over the holidays you won’t ever have another epic Christmas, because the past “wins” over the present and future… there is no hope of battling your attitude. And that my friends is the key word: attitude.
In the book “A Christmas Carol” Ebenezer Scrooge is set in his ways but is forced to reexamine his beliefs about his past, the people and events that made him who he was. In his pain he realized where and why it contributed to the pain of others; in changing his perspective of the past he was able to help others who sorely needed it. Changing his attitude and allowing magic to be in his present… his darkness became light.
So look into what is really bothering you about this time of year, forgive those people, forgive you. Let go of the should have beens, the if onlys or the supposed tos; in fact, are there gifts you have refused to share?
Yes, there can be sadness, but there is also brilliant joy. You can choose to release the painful parts just as you choose to hold onto them, you choose whether or not your days are merry and bright. Maybe your fear isn’t so much about holding onto the pain but not knowing what will fill that hole.
It’s not about who left you behind, it’s about who is coming.
Maybe it’s Santa!!!!
Or maybe, the one you have been waiting for is you.
May you filled with tremendous peace & love this holiday season and as always I love you so!!
It’s been an eerie halloween season, many ghosts came up form the past and now that time being over, we get to look at it and process. Not all ghosts show up as spooky spectres, I am referring to ghosts from our own past and how in a week and a half, many ghosts from 1999 showed up in front of me and in one case literally at my own two feet.
October 30th was my wedding anniversary date, I am divorced but it would have been my 15th wedding anniversary. I don’t think much about my ex anymore but I still do love that wedding. It was a big huge fun splashy affair. I don’t focus much on the marriage but remember fondly the day. My sister is about to have her big splashy wedding in a few weeks, so part of my memories may be kicked up a bit for that reason but also, for some reason, 1999 keeps coming back.
My absolute favorite band, the Spoo Monkeys had a reunion show over the weekend. I spent quite a bit of my young adult life watching their shows, hanging out with the band members, they were my best firends, my youthful family, the group where my identity was formed and in some cases recorded word for word in the songs they wrote. If I ever need to remember something from 1995-2000, I play a disc. Also, the Spoo Monkeys played at (no surprise) my wedding, I kept the video for many reasons but partly for the band and the people who have passed from that time.
My wedding dress surfaced last week too. Its a huge gorgeous dress that I must admit, I still love. I had it out on the floor of my apartment marveling at it, how happy I had dreamt I would be while wearing this dress, how the sparkly tulle equaled my hopes for that marriage and the world. It was 1999, we as a country had not been subjected to the extreme of terrorism, the economy was booming, as bubbly and hopeful as my wedding veil.
I have been given many gifts of 1999 this past week and a half, I have been thinking about what the meaning of that might be. Am I to remember what being purely sure the world was a gorgeous place was? It’s not that I am old and bitter, by no means but I do have those years of desperate poverty and while it is better now, I am not out of it yet. Was I to be reminded of what it was like to be in a huge room of those near and dear? That music from that band that would unite me with many other souls seemingly looking for similar definitions of identity? Or back to a time when I went out more …to shows or parties, conventions because I had not explored the world in my little Dayton, Ohio but now I tend to stick to my small town nearby. Are any of these things worse or better?
What if it’s both?
What if it was only to show me AGAIN that people change, that I changed and in the end the only thing that matters is our own happiness? Being kind is closer to our true self than being right. A great melody is best served with harmonies and killer lyrics; loving brilliant people comes with lessons. Seeing someone after many years …after possibly anger or strife and being able to look at them as they are now instead of the crud of the years gone by, seeing them with love and noticing they are happy and in a flash knowing the same about yourself…that is why tears fell down my face listening to my favorite band from 1999.
Maybe I need to forgive that idealistic 24 year old. It was the beginning of many years of unhappiness that led to other years of unhappiness sliding down into the murky volcano that erupted years ago… of which the forest of the now is sprouting hope and life from; the lava of the past is my foundation.
Maybe I need to love who I was.
Maybe I need to embrace my sparkly veil, just as those boys in that band needed to be reminded that they made a difference to crowds of people. Maybe I need to do the same.
To the member of the Spoo Monkeys, I thank you for doing that reunion show and reminding me of some of the wonder I have been missing.
1999, you are a wonderful part of me.
Blessings on you, friends!
My Dad and I
When we have a tremendous amount of fear in our lives it’s difficult to feel any control…over the fear and our lives. We really get into trouble when we attempt to tackle both at the same time, thinking it’s a single problem. Control and fear are consistent bedfellows, that’s for sure but in order to handle them we must split them up; by doing so we render them powerless.
Control over our lives isn’t real. While we do control some aspects of it i.e. going to college, buying a car, we truly cannot control what comes at us.We desire control, we long for it thinking our lives would be exponentially better if we truly were in the driver’s seat. Ironically, once we give up control we have a far better chance of receiving the life we desire making the very need to control the culprit of our unhappiness. Allow yourself to feel good while releasing the hows and be grateful for what you have.
Fear on the other hand is just as powerful as the need to control but operates more in the chemical releases of our body. Your mind is so powerful it can bombard your body in hormones when you are afraid. Think about that statement, bombard your body in chemicals. So what is fear then? Chemicals. In my experience, deep breathing battles those reactions of chemicals. Those reactions/chemicals are guides to the real you.
Fear is the road map to faith in yourself.
Once we can accept our power over reactions we can learn objectivity in the face of our problems. Anything we fear can be overcome by accepting that 98% of those fears are created by ourselves and we can truly handle anything life throws at us by breathing and letting go of the need to control outcomes. We can be who we truly are by accepting our own brilliance in handling problems.
Give yourself the grace to accept there is no driver’s seat and how we feel about our worlds and lives is a matter of choice.
Isn’t it time to choose being happy?
Much love to you! Happy Halloween!
In some of my recent fall fun I was participating in an improv game at a show where I was playing the woman narrating and due to some clever comments made by me(playing her) such as “Doesn’t my butt look huge today!” landed me on the ground covered up by literally four firemen. They lay on top of me… it was a great moment and one I don’t regret being squished at all! So, you can choose to be just squished or squished by hot firemen. I will always go with the latter!
Fall is another good time of year to urge stuff in your life you no longer need. If something isn’t serving you anymore such as clutter in your home, relationships, that job, then why hold onto it all winter? It will be more difficult int eh winter to get it out of your life, so do it now and be free!
I was talking to a friend the other day the other day and she is going through a hard time. We have all been there, major changes that make us feel angry or less and no matter what we do to try and move on or fix the situation, we cannot move.
I was in the same situation in 2008. I had a horrible break up just a few months before my ex showed up to work for me for a while. I did everything I could to alleviate the rage, betrayal and sorrow that I was carrying. I spent over two grand in three months desperately trying to fix myself so I could at least be …less full of rage, betrayal and sorrow. Nothing worked. I had no choice but to be filled with rage,betrayal and sorrow. I stayed that way for months..almost a whole year.
Sometimes, you just have to be miserable before you can move on.
Humans are amazing, we can create inner words in our minds of how things are supposed to be but that rarely matches with reality. When the shoulds clash with the reality, that’s when rage,betrayal and sorrow show themselves inconveniently taking hold of us, sometimes for long periods of time. Sometimes we are rendered powerless against them forcing us to embrace these emotions. The only way to part with them is to embrace them and accept they may be here a while.
When we have a life shattering event, like a break up, it’s no different in our minds than a death. Both can be sudden, create chaos and change the course of someone’s life. Yet we look to those who survive a death with more compassion than those in a brake up. Why? Because death is permanent? Because death takes no fault? Because grief from death is more acceptable? I don’t know about you, but break ups can be just as severe as death, they have just as much loss, permanence, confusion and tragedy. Sometimes break ups are worse, because you might get answers back to your questions but those answers don’t satisfy your pain.
So what do we do with this grief? Feel it. Embrace it. Stay with it till the bitter end, learn to live your life in coexistence. Write out your pain in a journal. Talk with supportive people, look for those that allow you to re-hash the same story over and over again. Find a support group or counselor. Sift through your shattered pieces to find the nuggets that you may re-build your life. Most importantly, have compassion for yourself, there is no logic in recovery, no answer to how long you will need, just accept that you will need to till you don’t.
What if someone you love is going through this? Be supportive in a way that doesn’t exacerbate their pain. Refrain from telling them how wrong they are for still feeling loss or asking why they are still upset or that other person isn’t worth this grief. I’ll tell you from experience every time someone said that stuff to me it made me feel way worse. If you are presenting a grieving person with this list, look at yourself and see how you handled loss. If you are truly upset from someone else’s loss then maybe you are still dealing with your own and need to address your grief. Throwing our irritations at others for our own grief isn’t helping anyone. So be very kind to them, allow them space to re-hash their pain as they need knowing that you were given the same compassion at one time(or will). Help them release the past by listening only.
Self-care is the key to releasing the pain of loss, it can be the miracle that aids us even in the most dire of circumstances. Choosing a regimented hygiene schedule can be helpful such as flossing your teeth, painting nails, exercise, massages or special fancy body wash. Maybe a new pet from a shelter is a good idea, saving a life and having some companionship. Maybe it’s time to branch out into some new hobbies like knitting, coin collecting or board games. Self-care is the way we bridge ourselves to the new version of us, by accomplishing simple inexpensive tasks we build our confidence in ourselves. That’s the key to recovery, learning to trust ourselves again while being okay with looking like we were hit by a train.
Give yourself the time you need to become what you are becoming. The crazy thing is, once you start becoming you never stop!
My wishes for you are true happiness, recovery from your pain and exquisite love!
The National Suicide prevention lifeline http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-TALK
It’s mid-August and the nights are beginning to cool off. Schools are starting and most of us are beginning to put summer to bed.
So, what I am noticing a lot lately is things are feeling FUNNY. They’re not bad or good, just kinda off. What happens when stuff is off for a while? We too, become off. We’ll notice it first more in others, saying things such as “What’s up with her? They are in a mood! Bitch much?” I hate to break this to you but those “observations” are really about you. You are off. Something is up!!!
How do we know what “it” is??
First of all, these questions cannot be answered with a black and white answer; it’s bigger than hormone imbalance or sugar rush.
I’ll give you a hint: This always has to do with fear of failure and other folks giving us negative comments. It’s staying the “safe”zone. It’s staying with the stuff you are naturally good at because then you always seem successful. It’s not facing the fact that time is moving on and we are still listening to Duran Duran(which is totally acceptable as they are awesome, but there is more out there)
That’s right folks, THERE IS MORE OUT THERE!!!
For a lot of us, all we need to do is step out of our comfort zone, whatever that is. Comfort zones aren’t always this plushy magical place like hanging out with Care Bears. I’m talking about the place you reside: the place where if you objectively looked at yourself you may find that: You complain a lot, you say negative things to yourself and others in your head, you stay home too often because of lame excuses like traffic, you may only identify yourself through your illnesses(arthritis,asthma,allergies,etc) you keep yourself in a certain body weight because eating healthy and exercising are SO HARD, you create a home that is more of a protection wall than living space, you think happiness is only for other people, dating is too much effort for disappointment, being comfortable is more important than being aware…
I could go on and on.
I am not saying any of those things are bad, they’re not; in certain times of our lives they are essential. The tricky part is when we stay in them for too long. Humans are creatures of movement and if we don’t move, we get stuck and then everything is “off” and we try to fix it with booze,sugar, sex or any other pleasurable things that may offer peace for a moment or two but does not address the issue.
What is the real issue? Failure. Yep, I said it.
If I fail then I will be judged. If I make a decision..it could wrong.If I fail, I’ll never come back from it. If I fail, I won’t get what I want. If I fail, I’ll be a failure. If I don’t do it, then I won’t fail!!! If I fail it will be my fault!!!
Yes and no.
I taught improv theater for years and this is exactly what I told them. You will fail 80% of the time, you will; in fact, you need to get inside that failure, become friends with it, hold hands with it so when you do fail, you don’t care because in the next 20 seconds you have another chance of doing something else. Yes, 80% failure but, that 20% success will be sooooo good, that failure doesn’t even register. If there is any fault here it’s this: you were staring at the failure so long you missed the myriad of opportunities that flew by you… you were staring at yesterday’s failure.
Honestly, if you fail… nobody cares. They might in the beginning but they are just drawing attention to you because they have failed too. If you were wrong,so what? Are you pressing the big red button that releases all the nukes or are you choosing a cable package? Seriously, most of what we feel we fail at …tend to be minor. What happens is all those small failures give our decision making abilities a beatin which makes our big decisions messy.
I want to tell you something, those decisions do not have to be messy, they do not have the punch we allow them, nope. We allow them some power over our identity, some mystical prophesy that only one way is the right way. Our lives are just lives…no one way to live them. This is the Grace we all seek but miss somehow: if we make a choice that is wrong for us, we get to amend it and move towards what is positive for us. There is no “one way” to live life, that’s a video game not life. Whatever failure or negativity we encounter is merely information to make a different choice.
That’s it. Grace is knowing that a different choice is out there for you; that you are forgiven for what ever you do as long as you are willing to forgive yourself. Grace does not come seeking you, you have to come into yourself and you do so by releasing these severe consequences packed onto decisions over which apartment to rent.
Life is just life, we assign it positively or negatively and quite frankly all we must do is yell “NEXT!” and watch our landscape change.
So get out of that comfort zone and give failure a chance to show you how comical life is. Make mistakes, laugh them off and try on some different ideas; hit the buffet, try all the flavors and relax, it’s just life.
May you be blessed!
So much love to you!!!
Something to remember, life is hilarious. Part of the reason I miss my grandmother is because she always yelled at me when I was giggling too much for her at funerals. Part of the reason I love texting is because I can text ridiculous words or phrases to my friends and I do, often. Part of the reason I enjoy myself so much is because I look for the most ridiculous part of of every experience I am in, because, wisdom is usually in the humor of life. Part of the reason decisions are not so scary for me is because when weighing decisions I always tack on some outrageous possibilities… which sometimes come true. Humor and joy allow us to expand our horizons, so every time I am feeling the failure hit, I look at it as a comedy of errors and I laugh at myself. Everything always works out…so we may as well giggle through it. <3