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2012-10-27 15.03.12Fall is nearly here! I love the smells of the festivals, the crisp air, the taste of the warm cider and sweaters! My fella is so handsome in sweaters!

Fall is another good time of year to urge stuff in your life you no longer need. If something isn’t serving you anymore such as clutter in your home, relationships, that job, then why hold onto it all winter? It will be more difficult int eh winter to get it out of your life, so do it now and be free!

I was talking to a friend the other day the other day and she is going through a hard time. We have all been there, major changes that make us feel angry or less and no matter what we do to try and move on or fix the situation, we cannot move.

I was in the same situation in 2008.  I had a horrible break up just a few months before my ex showed up to work for me for a while.  I did everything I could to alleviate the rage, betrayal and sorrow that I was carrying. I spent over two grand in three months desperately trying to fix myself so I could at least be …less full of rage, betrayal and sorrow.  Nothing worked.  I had no choice but to be filled with rage,betrayal and sorrow.  I stayed that way for months..almost a whole year.

Sometimes, you just have to be miserable before you can move on.

Humans are amazing, we can create inner words in our minds of how things are supposed to be but that rarely matches with reality.  When the shoulds clash with the reality, that’s when rage,betrayal and sorrow show themselves inconveniently taking hold of us, sometimes for long periods of time. Sometimes we are rendered powerless against them forcing us to embrace these emotions.  The only way to part with them is to embrace them and accept they may be here a while.

When we have a life shattering event, like a break up, it’s no different in our minds than a death.  Both can be sudden, create chaos and change the course of someone’s life.  Yet we look to those who survive a death with more compassion than those in a brake up. Why?  Because death is permanent? Because death takes no fault? Because grief from death is more acceptable?  I don’t know about you, but break ups can be just as severe as death, they have just as much loss, permanence, confusion and tragedy. Sometimes break ups are worse, because you might get answers back to your questions but those answers don’t satisfy your pain.

So what do we do with this grief? Feel it. Embrace it. Stay with it till the bitter end, learn to live your life in coexistence.  Write out your pain in a journal.  Talk with supportive people, look for those that allow you to re-hash the same story over and over again. Find a support group or counselor. Sift through your shattered pieces to find the nuggets that you may re-build your life. Most importantly, have compassion for yourself, there is no logic in recovery, no answer to how long you will need, just accept that you will need to till you don’t.

What if someone you love is going through this? Be supportive in a way that doesn’t exacerbate their pain. Refrain from telling them how wrong they are for still feeling loss or asking why they are still upset or that other person isn’t worth this grief.  I’ll tell you from experience every time someone said that stuff to me it made me feel way worse. If you are presenting a grieving person with this list, look at yourself and see how you handled loss. If you are truly upset from someone else’s loss then maybe you are still dealing with your own and need to address your grief. Throwing our irritations at others for our own grief isn’t helping anyone.  So be very kind to them, allow them space to re-hash their pain as they need knowing that you were given the same compassion at one time(or will).  Help them release the past by listening only.

Self-care is the key to releasing the pain of loss, it can be the miracle that aids us even in the most dire of circumstances. Choosing a regimented hygiene schedule can be helpful such as flossing your teeth, painting nails, exercise, massages or special fancy body wash. Maybe a new pet from a shelter is a good idea, saving a life and having some companionship. Maybe it’s time to branch out into some new hobbies like knitting, coin collecting or board games.  Self-care is the way we bridge ourselves to the new version of us, by accomplishing simple inexpensive tasks we build our confidence in ourselves. That’s the key to recovery, learning to trust ourselves again while being okay with looking like we were hit by a train.

Give yourself the time you need to become what you are becoming. The crazy thing is, once you start becoming you never stop!

My wishes for you are true happiness, recovery from your pain and exquisite love!

Happy fall!

Kellysutra

The National Suicide prevention lifeline  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  1-800-273-TALK

 

 

 


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It’s mid-August and the nights are beginning to cool off.  Schools are starting and most of us are beginning to put summer to bed.

So, what I am noticing a lot lately is things are feeling FUNNY.  They’re not bad or good, just kinda off.  What happens when stuff is off for a while? We too, become off.  We’ll notice it first more in others, saying things such as “What’s up with her? They are in a mood! Bitch much?”  I hate to break this to you but those “observations” are really about you. You are off. Something is up!!!

How do we know what “it” is??

First of all, these questions cannot be answered with a black and white answer; it’s bigger than hormone imbalance or sugar rush.

I’ll give you a hint: This always has to do with fear of failure and other folks giving us negative comments.   It’s staying the “safe”zone.  It’s staying with the stuff you are naturally good at because then you always seem successful. It’s not facing the fact that time is moving on and we are still listening to Duran Duran(which is totally acceptable as they are awesome, but there is more out there)

That’s right folks, THERE IS MORE OUT THERE!!!

For a lot of us, all we need to do is step out of our comfort zone, whatever that is.   Comfort zones aren’t always this plushy magical place like hanging out with Care Bears. I’m talking about the place you reside: the place where if you objectively looked at yourself you may find that:  You complain a lot, you say negative things to yourself and others in your head, you stay home too often because of lame excuses like traffic, you may only identify yourself through your illnesses(arthritis,asthma,allergies,etc) you keep yourself in a certain body weight because eating healthy and exercising are SO HARD,  you create a home that is more of a protection wall than living space,  you think happiness is only for other people, dating is too much effort for disappointment,  being comfortable is more important than being aware…

I could go on and on.

I am not saying any of those things are bad, they’re not; in certain times of our lives they are essential. The tricky part is when we stay in them for too long. Humans are creatures of movement and if we don’t move, we get stuck and then everything is “off” and we try to fix it with booze,sugar, sex or any other pleasurable things that may offer peace for a moment or two but does not address the issue.

 

What is the real issue?  Failure. Yep, I said it.

If I fail then I will be judged. If I make a decision..it could wrong.If I fail, I’ll never come back from it. If I fail, I won’t get what I want. If I fail, I’ll be a failure. If I don’t do it, then I won’t fail!!! If I fail it will be my fault!!!

Yes and no.

I taught improv theater for years and this is exactly what I told them. You will fail 80% of the time, you will; in fact, you need to get inside that failure, become friends with it, hold hands with it so when you do fail, you don’t care because in the next 20 seconds you have another chance of doing something else. Yes, 80% failure but, that 20% success will be sooooo good, that failure doesn’t even register. If there is any fault here it’s this: you were staring at the failure so long you missed the myriad of opportunities that flew by you… you were staring at yesterday’s failure.

Honestly, if you fail… nobody cares. They might in the beginning but they are just drawing attention to you because they have failed too. If you were wrong,so what? Are you pressing the big red button that releases all the nukes or are you choosing a cable package?  Seriously, most of what we feel we fail at …tend to be minor. What happens is all those small failures give our decision making abilities a beatin which makes our big decisions messy.

I want to tell you something, those decisions do not have to be messy, they do not have the punch we allow them, nope. We allow them some power over our identity, some mystical prophesy that only one way is the right way.  Our lives are just lives…no one way to live them. This is the Grace we all seek but miss somehow: if we make a choice that is wrong for us, we get to amend it and move towards what is positive for us.  There is no “one way” to live life, that’s a video game not life. Whatever failure or negativity we encounter is merely information to make a different choice.

That’s it. Grace is knowing that a different choice is out there for you; that you are forgiven for what ever you do as long as you are willing to forgive yourself.  Grace does not come seeking you, you have to come into yourself and you do so by releasing these severe consequences packed onto decisions over which apartment to rent.

Life is just life, we assign it positively or negatively and quite frankly all we must do is yell “NEXT!”  and watch our landscape change.

So get out of that comfort zone and give failure a chance to show you how comical life is.  Make mistakes, laugh them off and try on some different ideas; hit the buffet, try all the flavors and relax, it’s just life.

May you be blessed!

So much love to you!!!

Kellysutra

 

PS Humor

Something to remember, life is hilarious. Part of the reason I miss my grandmother is because she always yelled at me when I was giggling too much for her at funerals.  Part of the reason I love texting is because I can text ridiculous words or phrases to my friends and I do, often. Part of the reason I enjoy myself so much is because I look for the most ridiculous part of of every experience I am in, because, wisdom is usually in the humor of life.  Part of the reason decisions are not so scary for me is because  when weighing decisions I always tack on some outrageous possibilities… which sometimes come true. Humor and joy allow us to expand our horizons, so every time I am feeling the failure hit, I look at it as a comedy of errors and I laugh at myself.   Everything always works out…so we may as well giggle through it. <3

2014-01-31 11.23.45

 

 


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Ah!!! The summer’s bounty is upon us! The peaches are sensual, the corn is coming in and the tomatoes… OMG!!! Lammas, or the first harvest of the year drenches us in yummy foods. AN excellent time to look where in your life to be grateful…for all the lessons you have bought with you.

So in ancient Greek myth, Athena was the goddess of wisdom and defensive warfare, she wore a breastplate called the Aegis which was at one point the shield of her father, Zeus who was king of the gods. Athena’s mother was Metis(Wisdom) and made Zeus make the unbreakable oath for a request, which he did. Unfortunately the request was that Zeus show the mortal Metis his true god-form and in doing so burned Metis up like a marshmallow at a campfire; before she was completely consumed by flame, Zeus took the unborn child she was carrying and swallowed it.  Later on Zeus got a horrible headache and the god Haephestus took a giant hammer to Zeus’ head and out popped Athena in full armor. That’s quite a headache!

Zeus gave his daughter his unbreakable sheild, the Aegis, which she made into a breastplate. All of the art depicting Athena has her wearing this shield, a symbol of her father and her status as a goddess of defensive warfare.

 

I liken AAthena_Euenorthena’s Aegis breastplate to the pain we humans wear to protect ourselves. Have you ever had something so awful happen to you that once you”recovered” from it you wore it as a protection so you would never again feel such pain.  Or it could be a condition in which you suffer that has become identity because everytime we say I have… arthritis or kidney problems or fibromyalgia whatever..that affliction is cemented even more into being you.  Or your Aegis could be something you actually got from a parent via an abusive childhood or “they didn’t love me right” syndrome. Your Aegis could be a death, break-up or the one that got away.

Whatever your pain was that became your shield, I’d suggest considering that maybe sure, that shield protects you from the harm of the world but the tricky part is …it’s also blocking the positive of the world to you.

Your personal Aegis comes with a curse…. the very thing that defined you is preventing you from moving on, because we didn’t let go of the horrible event…no we put in ON OUR BODIES.  We embraced it, the negative and created a hard shell. Athena was the goddess of defensive warfare… she had the gift of defensive strategy; our personal Aegis is the same, creating a bargaining cycle that keeps us tethered to the past event.

Listen, I’m not saying that whatever helped folks get through a hard change in their life is bad…not at all.  I’m suggesting that maybe we have a hard time moving on when we wear our pain so profoundly…we use it as a way to refuse joy in our lives; we don’t let go of the past or accept that a disease is just that, a way our body functions instead of identity.

Underneath all that protection, might be a person who has shifted and changed.

SO my challenge to you is to pull of your armor and see what is truly there. See what is now. I am willing to bet that you’re probably not as upset as you think you should be…sometimes we know in our minds we should be hurt, instead of actually investigating the reality of the emotional landscape. What does that mean?  Just because we think we should still be hurt doesn’t mean we are…or by that same rationale sometimes stuff we think shouldn’t bother us does. So, maybe take your armor off and see what is there. There is nothing to be afraid of, it’s just you, but you may notice some holes in your underwear and that’s okay; realize the miracle of you, you have survived so much and now you can put that armor in the attic and be yourself.

You may laugh at me as to how simple that sounds..I’m tellin ya, if you can look at yourself with kindness and maybe even a little humor..that’s right I said humor, the pain may show you that it isn’t what you thought it was.  Look at that statement “what you thought it was”  does not mean it is in your current existence. Yes, our pain can be part of us…but it doesn’t have to be the driver of the car.  Just put that pain in the trunk with the camp chairs!!

You may be commenting “but…but…but my pain matters! I was hurt!”  Of course you were hurt and that sucks but pain only continuing to matter if we allow it so.  Do you have something in your past that is slightly embarrassing that maybe happened when you were 22 and not a clue in the world? A story you tell at parties? File that pain there… it’s still in storage but goes with all the other High-larious shenanigans of our youth.  In that place, when we were funny accidentally is where we heal our pain. Joy and love heal our pain, especially the happiness of youth so take that 22 year old that stayed up way too late, laughed so hard and lived like life would go on forever…take that part of you and hug that pain.  Have that part of you fill that pain with the wonder of the world, the great music you listened to, the kisses, the parties and the perfect moments that came with just being so alive…and see what happens to that pain. It will soften and just exist without needing you to wear it like armor.

Your Aegis isn’t necessary anymore.

Which means…you can go shopping for some sweet new threads!!!! Yay!

I hope the first harvest finds you deliciously happy…. and if you aren’t…isn’t it time to be so??

Kellysutra

 

 

Image from:

http://www.goddess-athena.org/Museum/Sculptures/Alone/Athena_Euenor_x.htm


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Happy Summer!!!

I do love the seasons! It’s the main reason I have stayed in the northern US; don’t get me wrong, the spice of Miami, FL is wonderful, New Orleans…yum! Austin, TX …YES!  In the end it comes down to my loving when I can see the change of the year in the trees.

So what is summer? Summer is the cooking time of year. We plant the seeds in the spring but the summer… we tend to our gardens, our psyches, our souls.  It’s a time for fun and joy with all the cook-outs, drive-ins and amusement parks…AND  a time of rumination. Thoughts of what is working in our lives(or not); the trees are showing us their splendor, are we able to to do the same?

Now you may say “I’m too busy having fun to think about my feelings!”  Now we all know I am all about the having fun, but I am all about having a clue about what we are feeling too. The magic of summer is lazying around, pondering our world; we see the changes in the kids as to what they are playing this year as opposed to last year. Summer offers us that delicious mystery, change happens right before our eyes and hopefully… we can see it, be grateful and cultivate it.

Summer has the ability to give us time in a standstill… We can have moments last forever, as the magic is all around us. The lightning bugs are flickering, the smell of lavender in the evening, a little fog creeping in; here in the earthy-ness we are relaxed enough to see our own magic.  In this slow pace we are able to see what is happening with us, with others, with everything.  Here we can see what needs to be tended to. Maybe we need to have a good honest look at our love life, finances, relationships with family, goals, diet, fitness level.   Definitely look at all those with a kind eye.

Summer is a time of simplicity. Who doesn’t love to sit in the yard and watch the world go by? Talk deep philosophy with your friends? Isn’t Summer when we clean out the garage?  I love a good garage purge because sometimes we find amazing treasures like a plastic bag full of sticks, empty boxes, that ceiling fan we have been looking for or something we have been holding onto for a neighbor for twelve years.  Isn’t it wonderful when we can release these “treasures” and have space? Looking into a more organised, clean space is amazing!

The same can be applied for our emotional selves.

Maybe it’s time to go deeper, into your roots of self and purge.  In this stillness we can look into our souls and whether or not we are fulfilling our purpose, maybe we need to find one or update it.  Maybe it’s time to actually focus or tend to our purpose discovering maybe we don’t care for ourselves as much as we need to, maybe we need to release the behaviors that no longer serve us.  Maybe a behavior is the same as that old empty box…it’s just sitting there taking up space and not helping anyone.

So purge. All this space you create in yourself is just like your garage, now there is an opening for more love and laughter to come in, new exciting friends & adventures or maybe just a space for you to be still and engage the magic of Summer. Who knows what your story will be?

Isn’t that amazing??

 

Tend to yourself… or what will you be harvesting in the fall?

Much love to you friend!

Kellysutra

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Maybe  you need is a little more Wonder Woman in your life.

I’m serious. If stuff isn’t working in your life, whatever it is, consider the following.

 

Maybe you need a Lasso of Truth. The Lasso, forged by  the god Hephaestus was unbreakable and whosoever was tied in it was compelled to tell the truth. Maybe it’s time for some real truth in your life, about your life. What is working, what isn’t?  Maybe it’t time to get a new job, sleep schedule, new friends, new attitude or a new home.

Maybe you need some star studded underoos to remember that you are made of stars; that less is more and you can kick-butt regardless of your attire.

Maybe you need her bracelets. These are no ordinary bracelets, they are made from a chunk of the Aegis, the impenetrable shield of Zeus that was made into a breastplate for the warrior-goddess Athena. You know what? These bracelets deflect EVERYTHING. Bullets, laser beams, axes, creepy monsters  were the norm but the bracelets  can also deflect other horrible weapons such as passive-agressivism, insults, cruelty, bullying, abuse…anything. You don’t have to take any of that, deflect it all!

Maybe you need her tiara.  Maybe you need to fling a razor sharp tiara to cut ropes off your friend’s hands. Maybe you need to remember that you are royalty and not let anyone treat you otherwise. Maybe a tiara is just the look for you.

Maybe you need her sword. Modern life has a lot of red tape, use that sword to cut through all that crap. Maybe you need a sword to cut through all the weight from the past: broken hearts, regrets,guilt, lost loves or bad decisions.  Cut all those away, they don’t serve you now so let them go.

Maybe you need her tactics. Diana came across some bad dudes called Hekantonkheires or hundred handed giants. The harder she fought the worse it seemed; at the moment when she was literally torn apart, she dealt with the head of the monster instead of all the hands. So if your life seems insurmountable, maybe it’s time to deal with the source of the problem instead of all the symptoms.

Maybe you need her attitude. Although Wonder Woman is an Amazon, she always sought a peaceful solution first. So maybe you need to look at yourself and the people in your life with more compassion and love. Maybe instead of getting angry with everything and everyone try to gain some perspective and seek peace.

That being said, maybe you do need to be the Amazon warrior and not take any shit; get in there and kick some butt. Maybe it’s time for an exercise regimen to help you feel more like a warrior.

Maybe you need her ability to love. Despite her warrior status, she not only  loves, she uses love as a beacon in her life. By following love, all of her actions are genuine in war or peace.  Maybe it’s time to make love your ultimate goal, not just in a relationship way. Broaden the idea: love people, animals, the environment, cartoons, whatever it takes. You will know when you get there.

 

So, look with truth,deflect any crap, remember how important you are, think tactfully, seek peace and kick butt. Most importantly, love yourself, your people, the animals and the planet; that’s what warriors do.

Isn’t time for you to be a warrior?

 

 

BIG LOVE!!!

Kellysutra

 

wonder woman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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I began running…well, jogging…well, walking and jogging about a month ago on the bike path. I used to run miles a day…but it was on a treadmill, inside and climate controlled. Now, I am outside, pounding the pavement, on a trail in the woods. It’s completely different challenge. I am okay with it being different,  I like being in the woods. I have found some very interesting facets of life from running on the trail.

First, I like to call it the trail…because I so so so love the Oregon Trail game. Yes, the crappy pixely game from the 80′s. I still play the game whenever I can find it. So, when I am running I tell myself sometimes that I need to make it to Ft McHenry before the dysentery hits. It’s effective.

Second, some days I get on the trail and I am so happy to be moving. I love those days! My body is all groovin and I am queen of exercise. These are the days I hope I have a little more time, so I can maybe push a little harder and take advantage of the good omens passed down by the exercise gods.

Third, I cannot run in a straight line in the dark. I have a head lamp…but alas, since I cannot fix my sight on a target way off(because balance for me is an elusive beast), I run in a zig zag pattern taking up the entire bike path; I don’t think the pedometer accounts for lateral moves.  It is really funny, all I can do is laugh at myself.  So if you are on the bike path after sundown and see this light cackling and buzzing around like a fly on the crack cocaine, no worries, it’s just me.

Fourth, some days are pure hell. My lower half doesn’t want to jog. So I don’t force it, my best is going to be different everyday, especially since I am older and have some weight issues. I wasn’t always so accepting, I wanted to WIN or push or be like Chuck Norris, but you know what? There is no winning or failure here.  If I was gonna be Chuck Norris, I’d need to get a sweet beard.  What I’m saying here is even Chuck had to start somewhere small; exercise is about goals yes but more importantly about maintaining the routine to the point where you don’t even think about it anymore, you just do it.

Fifth, I get down on the grass and thank the gods that I am still able to exercise. It ain’t pretty, but I am moving. I have found that in my gratitude my attitude is considerably better and my joints don’t ache as much.  I literally get down on my knees, because sometimes, exercising feels like a miracle!

Sixth, despite my level of discomfort, I always smile and wave to others on the trail, I stop and pet the puppies; I really believe in the power of community.  I want people to say”Hey, she waved to me on the trail even though it was obvious she was physically uncomfortable, her face red as a lobster, but she waved anyway. I love friendly lobster face lady!”

Seventh, terror is when 60 senior citizens on bikes pass you like some swarming scene from Starship Troopers. Dude.

Eighth, I have to say, I dress so snazzy. It’s my pink sequined fanny pack that does the trick… jealousy accepted.

Ninth,  I love running on rainy days. The earth has been washed, it’s like going to bed on clean sheets.

Tenth,  I love to chant or use affirmations when I run.  I feel like they work better when I have my heart rate up and telling your body it’s at peace while you are doing cardio is an interesting play on mind over matter. I tend to calm myself while having a higher heart rate, it’s pretty crazy. Meditation is hard for me sitting down all Buddha-esque, so I get the good mojo going on the trail.

 

Running without training wheels consistently reminds me that we all have challenges. We all have fights in our souls and bodies. We all can be angry and hold on to fear.

But.

We all can forgive. We all can get out of the house and exercise. We all can call someone and tell them how beautiful they are. We all can see how amazing the world is and celebrate it. We can laugh, sing and dance. We all can love.

All of these things are just as easy as putting on your snappy fanny packs and… just as fabulous!

Maybe the trail is waiting for you.

Maybe you are waiting for the right trail.

Deeeeeeep!

Big huge love,

Kellysutra

 

 

Where I terrify citizens of Greene county with my jogging.

Where I terrify citizens of Greene county with my jogging.

 

 


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The word authenticity is a weird word. It’s something we want or need but to achieve it, it’s difficult. A simple concept: the quality of being genuine,  but what does that mean? I mean, how can you be consistent in a fluid concept? What does that even mean??

We’re human, we evolve everyday, we come across problems and we solve them(or don’t) and then we move to the next day. Even those who live in a routine life have changes everyday. SO how does one stay free from pretense..or hypocrisy?

By staying present.  I know we have heard that word before, what does being present have to do with anything?  Have you ever had a young person in your life that maybe you are not around very much? When you see them again, wow! They are so different! How did that happen? Has it been that long?!!  What have I been doing??

This happens all the time.  So staying present means we are aware everyday that situations are different, like a new flavor of ice cream that is similar to the one you had previously. Present means we are paying attention to every conversation, feeling we have, task and environment.  I know, that sounds exhausting.  The thing is, it really isn’t; what is exhausting is trying to catch up all the time because we are not paying attention on a daily basis.

For me, being authentic is all about honesty and action.  Where in your life are you unhappy? Where is stuff funky and not working? Where is the junk dragging you down?  Take out some paper and write down what isn’t working, then in another column write out what is bothering you about it.

This is a way to be honest, so now you have your answers, what are you going to do about it?

Some actions may be easy to plan, not happy with your weight? A new walking routine is easy to understand, got it!  What if something is harder like being lonely? It’s a more difficult concept but you can start by getting out of the house!  What if we put both of these together? Loosing weight and loneliness might be helped by taking a Zumba class.   I know what you are thinking…but I won’t know anyone..that’s the point!! You won’t at first but you will eventually!

A small thing about being authentic, because we change so often we have to check ourselves often.  Checking in can be easy, allow yourself to be objective and release emotional ickyness.  I’m not saying emotions are not important, they absolutely are!!!  Emotions can cloud our judgement and actions because we feeeeeeeeeeeeel sooooooooooo so we deeeeply about  how much we loooooooooove our partners.   What I’m saying here is that kind of feeeeeeeeelings can make us miss the point of questioning if the relationship is really working and good for you.  Another example, if you hate your job and want to think about other options, you may get stuck in the hating for 20 minutes instead of having a concise moment of “this job isn’t good for me, what else can I do to make a living?”

 

Staying present  and being authentic are skills, they require practice. I suggest a weekly check-in on a day you tend to be in a good mood such as Friday or Saturday, it doesn’t have to take long a good 20-30 minutes will suffice.   As time goes on, you check-in more often …  add goals or what you are grateful for or how successful is something.  Checking in can be a wonderful tool to get to know your true self and the best part of being present means we are dealing with molehills instead of mountains!!!  

Gandhi said”Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

So, honestly, what is or isn’t working? What are you gonna do about it?

 

Buckets of Love to you!

Kelly

 

PS

I found a great many things when I started being present with myself, such as a trip to the Zoo can help you with any ailment of the heart.  Dancing poorly is the best, not only are you moving but you are hopefully laughing at yourself. Choosing to have fun in any moment will make you shine and your days better(who doesn’t laugh at their boss?). Singing catchy songs can make you happy and irritate others.  I make every day better by saying in the morning “Today is the day I make millions!” Cartoons are good medicine.  Exercise is funny, it makes you do all sorts of weird body poses that aren’t ready for on a regular basis.  Wear goofy underwear.  Tell others what you are passionate about.  Look people in the eye and tell them you are grateful for them and better yet, look yourself in the eye in the mirror and do the same. Rescue a shelter animal. Love your funky ridiculous self, it’s the meaning of life. Eat lots of ice cream…this will save your soul.

 

 

 


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So, this wonderful blog has been around for a bit of time and I am very happy with it. I thank all of you supporters and sharers and lovely posters!

We all have our “thing” in life, some of us are athletes, computer experts, artists, gondoliers, gamblers or whatever. We have our thing, we have our job/career. Some of us are lucky enough that our things are also our passions, the work that makes us come alive and bring sauciness out onto the world.   This is what Have Fun Have Everything is for me: it’s a way for me to live my passion.

You see, I am very interested in helping folks have fun & be happy.  I believe that when we are happy our lives will fall into a positive rhythm and we exude joy.  Now, I know all too well that Life does whatever it wants and that usually we are constantly dealing with craziness and pitfalls.  However, I believe that no matter what Life cranks out onto us we can still be happy. We can choose to be  so.

Time is precious; so is play.  I’m not talking sitting in front of the tv or computer being comatose…that’s being comatose. Play is when your mind,heart and soul are engaged with delight. Have you eve met that person who was so cheerful and fun to be around that you wondered what drugs they were taking? Well, that happy person can be you, if you learn to play.

Who among us still remembers the sublime fort in the living room you made a s a child?  That is the secret, if your seven to sixteen year old self enjoyed it then you probably still do. Play is what the magic in Christmas is, that fountain of youth, the moment you realize it’s your surprise party.

We as a society program ourselves into thinking about appropriate behavior. At my job I will not laugh and be miserable, when I am around my parents I can’t swear, if I run into my fellow church members I have to act holy, what will the neighbors think if I play metal music, blah blah blah… We put up sheilds to cover ourselves, to “protect” aspects of us from getting us fired or disengaging social norms. We teach our kids this, we teach ourselves this. We create a picture in our mind of what we should  look like, act like, sound like, be like, what cars to drive, pets to own,sports to play.  You know what sheilds and shoulds are really about? OTHER PEOPLE. Those shoulds are not about us or who we are or what we really want or love.  The acceptable behavior is something our minds think will make us happy but are you happy truly?

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away I was young, I had a boyfriend, he proposed with a pretty ring, I said yes and we were married in a big beautiful wedding.  We got a cat, bought a house and were happy,right?   I was miserable, I was beyond miserable I was stuck.    I had followed the path of acceptable society norms.  I am no longer wed, I don’t blame marriage, I don’t blame anything, I firmly believe I had not really thought things through, sifted through my true feelings. I wasn’t really paying attention…and that’s where we all get stuck.

Learning to play kept me honest.  It’s simple, you are enjoying yourself or you’re not, but a  huge factor of playing is being open to it.

We have to learn to drop our screens, or the behavior that keeps us glued to “acceptable adult behavior” will prevail. What if you DID still enjoy playing board games? What if you DID still walking in the woods? What if you DID still enjoy cannon balling the pool? Screaming like a crazy person at concerts? Playing jokes on sleeping loved ones? Going to haunted houses? Playing cards with your friends?  Tickling puppy feet?

Having play in your life makes your life better.  All that jargon about paying your dues or misery loves company was created by those who refused to engage in a better life.

I want you to take a deep breath in and really take in what I am saying here: you can still do all those things, laugh till you hurt with tears running down your face, snort, run with abandon in a field of fireflies, burn marshmallows on a stick in the fire . All of this is possible, but you have to actually do it and stop judging yourself. You deserve to play just as much as anyone and nothing in your past can take it away from you.

Our lives are our amusement parks. Try to see each scene of your life a new opportunity, be open and best of all, be silly.

Play is you.  What you do while having the best fun is you. It’s the great parts of you that take joy and delight in the world. When we actually are playing and being full of delight the world becomes better  because someone around us notices what you are doing and maybe then they also start to play to their fullest potential. Before you know it, POOF! The world has chain reacted into a bunch delighted people bouncing balls around Target stores wearing huge grins.

I’ve seen it happen.

So next time you are at a department store… go by the toy aisle, pick up that Thor mask, put it on and go shopping. Maybe the god of thunder needs some eggs. It’s up to you to decide.

Remember, when you have fun you can have everything!!

Much love to you!

Kelly

 

Ways I have had fun despite my circumstances in the past:  When on a less than stellar date, I picked up the controller for a skull at the natural history museum and started asking my date how he thought the date was going.   I used to work at Victoria’s Secret catalog and one day the phone systems kept the line active after the customer had hung up, I spent most of the day acting as if I was working but using movie lines instead such as “once I met this beautiful Cuban and every night was like the bay of pigs.”   I’m a big fan of seeing sights along the way, last spring my boyfriend and I were terribly lost but had a great time visiting a huge statue of Abraham Lincoln in middle of no where, KY.  When studying ancient things, turning them into “ermagherd” quotes will guarantee learning! Talk to your mother in funny voices, they love that. In Pittsburgh I was visiting museums with some friends and we were surrounded by some upper class ladies who were horrified when I asked them to pose for a picture holding a plastic dinosaur with  my friend.Best pic ever!

 

 


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We are constantly at odds with our environments.

Stress from our job, relationship, family, car, home, pets.. on and on and on. Stress that turns into fatigue or worse illness.

We bark and wrestle with our stresses, seeking any kind of solace from them. Sometimes it can lead to addictive behaviors such as food, booze, drugs or other such things.

The thing is, the only thing we have as a consistent in all of our stresses is us. I know this because I have been the source of many problems over the years, don’ get me wrong, the other person was a part of it or sometimes, bad choices were made, or another break up occurred. Through all of it has been me, the consistent quotient.

Up until February of this year I have had many relationships and dates, you name it, I tried it. For a while I was searching for that person to make me happy. For a while I was searching for that item to make me happy. For a while I went to college to get the knowledge I thought would make me happy and so on….

For whatever reason I thought that an external answer was the key to my happiness.

Guess what? I had a lot of fun and was able to have some extraordinary experiences but I wasn’t happy.

 

What I was looking for was something so very simple, I didn’t even know it was right in front of me.  Because it was me… I didn’t see it. I was looking, but when we look we don’t see us, as we aren’t in our field of vision…so we don’t even recognize our part in the equation.So as I said before, we are always in the equation, always on the the other side of the fulcrum.

So what do we do to deal with all of our stresses?

We take care of ourselves.

I was talking to a group of kids as I was doing forgiveness statements with and I explained that forgiveness is the top the pyramid, it rests atop awareness and acceptance.  For us to do anything like forgiveness we must realize the issue(awareness) and then desire to move on with it(acceptance).

Taking care of oneself is imperative, we only have one body, so why do we treat it badly?  One of my favorite ways to think about what is good for me is compare the best friend with the action. Would I tell my friend Maggie that drinking buckets of tequila on a regular basis is a great idea? That eating red meat  five days a week or setting a krispie cream diet up … would I tell her, YES! Do it!  No, in fact I would not…just as I would never allow her to wear a neon green tube top.

I would warn her about toxic people, toxic foods/drinks, habits,   risky county fair  amusement rides, clowns(neither one us like clowns),  creepers, staying up too late or even going on a  walk in panther infested woods.

If she was having a hard time or illness I would recommend a physician, masseuse, therapist, exercise regimen, acupuncturist,  self-help books.   If she needed a friend I would hope she would ask.

All of these things I would hope for my friend,  we go back to our teens, I love her and want her to be happy, healthy and as perfect as she is.

So why is it so hard for us to be so for ourselves?

You know that saying :treat others as you would treat yourselves….. the golden rule….  right?   Stiff upper lip?  Grin and bear it?  Just let it go?

Right.

Where in those statements that have been pounded into us… is us?   Not one letter…. just we see our field of vision, so  are our sayings about the field of vision. Not about us at all. No wonder we have no thought trail about self-care, it’s not there..it never was.

It’s hard for us. We don’t have a model to base  self-care on. Even Jesus gave everything for others. SO what does that leave us?  Anger,confusion, exhaustion, and worst of all: we have no idea what we enjoy, how to unwind, what tricks are good for us to take care of ourselves. What if protein is bad for you? It is for me, I have gout, and once I discovered the root of my problem I was able to keep my gout under control. It’s the same with our lives, if we don’t know what is hindering us how can we help ourselves?  How depressed,stressed, beat up and over stimulated must we become to realize how important self-care is? Everyone is different, every face, hair, personality, clothing taste… so every self-care is different too.  

Believe you are worth your own time.  Think about that.

We all want THE relationship, job, house, car…blah blah blah….   None of those are attainable without you. The question becomes, how do I take care of myself to achieve the things I want?

Sleep. Exercise. Positive people. Pets. Good nutrition. Meditation. Massages.  An uncluttered home. Funny movies.  Amusement parks. Sunsets. Happy music. The beach on a full moon. Time with beloveds. Baths. Giggling. Walks in the autumn. Speaking our feelings. Time to ourselves. Quiet. Prayer. Yoga.  Journals. Making art. Writing love letters. Calling your grandma. Coffee shops. Sitting on the porch in a rocking chair. Smelling lavender on a summer night.  Napping in a hammock.

These are activities that are inexpensive and will help enrich your soul.  Your soul is yours, it’s part of you. We come into the world and leave it with just ourselves, taking care of us, all of us is crucial. When we forget to care for ourselves that quiet ethereal part of you gets mucky…and so does everything else.  Feed the quiet part of you with quiet, cherish yourself and your life will open up.  Once  you are open, then miracles happen. All those stressful situations are easier to manage, being more open allows us to have more fun.

You know that moment when you are having some great fun and the world seems yours? This is our goal, by taking care of ourselves we can  be in that place of delicious fun ,to have less stress and see how wonderful the world is.  See? When you have fun, you really do have everything.

Happy weekend!!!  I love you!

Kelly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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I recently heard someone say “If only I had known.”

 

This statement has a long list of modifiers in our world.

Someone passed away and you felt bad for not knowing but more importantly for not bringing the macaroni salad. Someone confessed to loving you on their deathbed. Somehow, you were a raving jerk to your friends who have supported you through thick and thin and they finally told you off,loudly. Someone you trusted threw you under the bus. Maybe a grandparent passed away before you realized how little you talked with them. Walking near alligators that are hungry may get you killed. Red wine makes you black out at weddings.

All of these possible epitaphs can go with “If only I had known.”  I hate to tell you, but you probably did know most of the things you wish you had known. I mean come on, I am speaking to myself to here, of course too much red wine made me black out at a wedding!(True Story)

The phrase is some weird thing we do to take some of the guilt away from us, because we hate to be responsible for our part of bad spots in life.  Guilt is a harsh emotion, it can literally whittle us down to nothing and keep us locked in to a section of our life that doesn’t serve us anymore. By all means remember the lesson, but release the guilt, it only will gum up your life. I hear all the time about Catholic guilt… seriously. I have been told since I am not Catholic I wouldn’t understand… well that part is true, I cannot connect with such reasoning.

You can give guilt all the pretty names you please but honestly, if you make a choice with the information you have at hand you made the best choice in that moment.  No one stands up and tells themselves “well, this option here will ruin me for the rest of my days, let’s go for it!!”

At the time, you did the best you could with the information you had.  Wishing you “had known”implies  doing something differently and if you truly HAD known otherwise then you would have behaved differently! DUH!

We live and we hopefully learn.  Guilt isn’t about learning, guilt is about control and all those who use it are trying to control you or you are allowing the past to control your present.   It’s your life, you get to change the channel!

What power on Earth told you that suffering was okay?

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” —Buddha

You may be thinking “I wish it were that easy.”  You know what? IT IS THAT EASY!!  The hard part is keeping that mindset consistently, kinda like the workout habit is the hard part to create not so much the actual workout. If you tell yourself something is easy…then it is…if you conversely say something is difficult then hold on to your pants, you’ll barely make it!!

Taking care of ourselves is partly realizing what we truly need in the moment.  A major part of that equation is letting go of guilt and every time that  “if I had only known” phrase pops up maybe consider that you did what you could and that would have to be enough for then and in the future you will do otherwise. (Remember to  behave otherwise in the future or we’ll be back here at this point again.)  Don’t allow yourself to single yourself out of this one by proclaiming extraordinary circumstances that only you and you alone  in the Universe have and therefore you can stay in the vortex of “if onlys” …that is giving yourself permission to stay there eternally and you know what? Ain’t nobody got time for that!

You know what the great part about letting go of guilt is? More room for being happy!!!  Isn’t that amazing?

Be happy now, tell those you love you love them, smile at children and most importantly, love yourself as you are right now.  Do these things often and the best way you know how, stop beating yourself up and  remain free,  that’s where happiness is.

Being happy IS everything!

Happy July!!!

Kelly